Ode alla disillusione. Dal diario di un disilluso

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Ode alla disillusione. Dal diario di un disilluso

Non ha forse bisogno il mondo di uno sguardo finalmente scarno, essenziale, crudo, per progredire? Dove ci ha portato l’edificazione di noi stessi, se non allo sfascio?

Tutti (non mi escludo) vogliono sentirsi giusti, buoni, onesti. Tutti rivendicano per sé capacità di ascolto, benevolenza, generosità, buon cuore. Tutti pensano di aver ragione, anche se dicono di voler imparare dagli altri. Tutti pensano di essere, se non i soli, almeno i più degni rappresentanti dell’amicizia, fedeltà, coerenza, del saper accordare stima, della capacità di non deludere. Tutti pensano di aver dato tutto, di meritarsi amore e affetto, stima e riconoscenza. Tutti sono il meglio di tutto e, allora, ditemi come mai il mondo è il luogo orripilante che è?

Come mai non trascorre attimo in cui, da qualche parte nel mondo, un uomo non uccida un suo simile, lo denigri, sfrutti, abbandoni a se stesso, discrimini, in cui un essere umano non si sia macchiato di avidità, indifferenza, noncuranza dell’ambiente in cui vive? Come mai, se a sentirci, siamo tutti così buoni, bravi e giusti? Come mai il mondo è l’inferno che è? Possibile che tutti gli ingiusti tacciano? Forse sono proprio loro, i loquaci assertori di se stessi, i primi colpevoli.

Ma non è questo il punto. Si tace e si parla a sproposito da entrambi i lati. La verità è che i lati non sono così netti. Anzi non lo sono affatto. La verità è che non esiste verità su questa terra, se non come anelito alla stessa, come approssimazione grossolana, e che in primo luogo mentiamo a noi stessi. Le prime bugie le diciamo sempre a noi stessi, e spesso finiamo per crederci. Senza accorgercene. Vittime delle nostre stesse finzioni.

Ci illudiamo di essere buoni e giusti perché così vogliamo vederci, perché tutto il resto ci fa troppo male. Ci fa male vedere che anche noi deludiamo, abbandoniamo, ci voltiamo dall’altra parte, non ci siamo quando dovremmo, siamo invidiosi magari anche quando giuriamo di riconoscere il merito dell’altro. Fa male riconoscere che la nostra delusione è quasi sempre figlia di una delega all’altro, una delega che nessuno ci ha chiesto, né ci ha indotto a chiedere. Una delega per la felicità, il soddisfacimento di sogni e bisogni segreti che non riusciamo a soddisfare e non sappiamo appagare con le nostre forze, il nostro impegno. Fa male riconoscere la propria codardia quando rimproveriamo agli altri di averci sottomessi, e continuiamo a restare per pigrizia o paura. La verità è che ognuno di noi ha quasi sempre una scelta, ma spesso non ne fa uso.

Si obbietterà che ci sono situazioni in cui non si può scegliere, in cui è chiaro chi sia il buono e chi il cattivo. Sicuramente. Nessuno può essere ritenuto corresponsabile se tenuto in catene. Un bambino non è mai responsabile degli orrori che subisce, né qualsiasi persona che venga abusata, torturata, privata dell’essenziale da avidità e guerre. In queste situazioni non esiste corresponsabilità. Non ci sono corresponsabilità della vittima quando si compiono crimini contro l’umanità e la dignità della persona, quando si è in balia di sistemi coercitivi che tolgono alla vittima qualsiasi possibilità di scelta. Ma la stragrande maggioranza delle situazioni, in una vita “normale”, non contempla nulla di tutto ciò.

Nella maggioranza delle situazioni possiamo scegliere e siamo liberi di gettare uno sguardo nella vera natura dei nostri sentimenti. Ma noi ci vogliamo vedere belli a tutti i costi, rivivere forse lo sguardo del genitore, della madre che ci amò incondizionatamente, nel migliore delle ipotesi.
Ma se questa è la base, non siamo forse destinati a ripeterci, ad anelare all’incoronamento di noi stessi? Non c’è un difetto di fabbrica di cui siamo vittime inconsapevoli e innocenti?

Penso, invece, che possiamo imparare a guardarci dentro, senza sconti, con uno sguardo lucido e scarno, privo di giustificazioni e di benevolenza. Ci siamo voluti fin troppo bene.

Non è questo in contrasto con ciò che spesso si afferma e cioè che sia essenziale amarsi per amare?

Rispondo che non c’è contraddizione tra l’amarsi e il bisogno di uno sguardo disilluso verso se stessi. Non è forse il più grande atto d’amore osare uno sguardo sincero verso se stessi? Il più grande atto di amore verso tutto ciò che ci circonda? Non è ridimensionando noi stessi che ridiamo spazio e respiro agli altri? Un atto di amore e di umiltà. Umiltà, una parola che non gradisco veramente. Una parola spesso abusata e che nasconde in sé, quando pronunciata, un peccato d’orgoglio. L’umiltà è una qualità di cui paradossalmente ci si vanta. Tutte le volte che diciamo: “Sono buono, sono umile, sono questo e l’altro”, stiamo adulando noi stessi.

Dovremmo smetterla di autodefinirci, di incensarci, di vederci al centro di tutto, sia come singoli, nel contesto in cui viviamo, sia in generale, come specie. Noi uomini ci siamo creduti il centro del creato, dell’universo, ma siamo solo un granello che, nella esagerata benevolenza verso se stesso, la propria intelligenza e il proprio significato, ha sacrificato tutto il resto, in uno sterminato atto di superbia.

Quindi oso questa ode al ridimensionamento di sé, alla disillusione.
Spero che la intonino in molti.

Testo
Maria Letizia Del Zompo

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